Ashisha Chakroborty

RGB

Vir

“Father is gone for some time.” Ma would say. But I knew what she actually meant. He is gone.

He is gone and he will never come back. People who leave don’t leave so they can come back. They leave because they want to leave.

Ma wouldn’t tell me what actually happened but that didn’t mean I didn’t know. Father had left us. I knew that very well. What I didn’t know was why. Why did he leave us? Maybe because Ma and I were no longer enough for him. Maybe we had become burdens for him. Accessories. Fixtures. Like light bulbs. Fans. Useful but not necessary enough to live for. Expendable. We were probably expendable for him.

In fact, we were worse. We were breakable. And fragile. We were broken the moment Father left us. And we probably never recovered after.   

So, I break things. Mostly hearts.

I know I broke my wife’s heart. And that was unfair of me. Because Kanan had always been good to her word. Too good for me.

Our home had been a temple for her. One would find her expressions in all the corners of the house, from the paint in the bedroom to the paintings in the living room, the ferns in the vases on the staircase to the laughing Buddha that happily stood with a bloated tummy, the printed coasters on the dining table to the shot glasses her friends had gifted us… The pretty wind chime with the Tibetan bells was hers. The cabinets in the kitchen filled with jars and jars of cookies were hers. Every damn thing in the house was hers. It was as if I didn’t even exist. I clearly didn’t belong there.  

*

I first met Tanisha on my way to work. Actually, I didn’t see her at first; I saw her car. A cherry red one, the same color as mine. She was looking into the rearview mirror, backing her car into my space. Yes, it was my space that she had gotten into. I was all set to lash out at her for having the nerve to take my space, when I saw her face and stopped in my tracks. 

Of course, she wasn’t some beauty queen or a style icon. She was just a girl next door. An ordinary girl I wouldn’t have noticed on a usual day. But that day was probably not a usual one. I noticed her as a girl, a woman. I will be honest, I had no intentions of falling for someone ten years younger to me. But it so happened that Tanisha made me want to get to know her. To know what being with a girl was like. I know it seems absurd. I was married. But somehow, Kanan had attained the status of my wife; she hadn’t really remained a woman anymore for me. She was a nomenclature, a fixture in my life. Like we once had become for my father.

And Tanisha? She seemed fresh. Fresh out of the factory where girls are made.    

So, instead of snapping at her, I ended up talking to her.

“I think your car has not been parked straight.”

She glanced at me, her face scrunched up, as if peering out at the sun.

“So?”

“Other cars will have quite a hard time parking alongside this one.”

I looked at her face, clouded by a battery of expressions. Like a machinery working itself out. I would soon learn to know this aspect of hers as her thinking mode, which she would later adopt, whenever Kanan would call me.

“You want me to park it right?”

She still looked unconvinced but I extended my hand for the car keys. Her fingers brushed lightly against mine as she reluctantly parted with the keys and I felt an unexpected thrill coursing through my spine. 

I told you. I break things. Rules, at times. Vows, at others.

“My wife once rammed right into the driveway while backing the car. Since then, she prefers to take the cab.” I laughed. I don’t know why I mentioned my wife out of the blue. Maybe it made me feel a little less guilty. That I had told her I was married. Or perhaps I wanted to know if she was married too.

Surprisingly, she perked up at the comment. The next few minutes went into inconsequential chat that lightened the mood a bit. Telling her about Kanan had been a good move. She wouldn’t suspect I was trying to trap her or lie to her or something of the sort. And I really wasn’t. I just wanted to be with her. To get to know her a little.

*

Tanisha

I didn’t realize at first how frequent our ‘chai times’ had become. I had started drinking tea about four times a day. Vir’s office was just a few blocks away from mine and we somehow found time to meet quite a number of times a day. Some of my colleagues suspected that I had started dating, so they started teasing me. It engendered a weird kind of unease in me because I couldn’t tell them the truth. Because I didn’t know what it was. Were we dating? Or were we just friends discussing our life’s problems? I chose to believe the latter. Primarily because he hadn’t lied to me about his marital status. Maybe that is why I had warmed up to him after my first flash of hesitation. It was a new city anyway and any kind of friend was a Godsend for me. 

But after a few months, when he cut his wife’s calls and we had dinner together almost every night, I decided it was time to put my foot down. I didn’t want to be that other woman. I know I should have taken this decision a long time ago but I really didn’t realize when it turned into such a curveball. All the time, I kept telling myself that Vir needed me as a friend and I wasn’t one to abandon my friends. He was unhappy with his life and he was seeking some solace and friendship. But there was always a nagging doubt in my heart about his true intentions.

Before I could make up my mind about what to do though, shit hit the fan.

*

Vir

When I emerged from the shower, Kanan was waiting for me in her blue saree. The saree she had worn on our wedding anniversary. For some reason, alarm bells started ringing in my head.

“Are we going somewhere, dear?” I asked in as even a voice as I could.

And then the bombshell dropped.

“How could you?!” her voice was twisted in agony and I knew no lies would save me today. “How could you do this??”

Kanan was shoving the phone in my face. My phone. And her face. Tanisha’s face. Sweet sweet Tanisha.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” I answered in my usual non-committal tone.

“Don’t you effing lie to me! I mean I can’t imagine how you could do something like that! All those nights working late, you must have been spending with that bitch!”

Something inside me was uncoiling slowly. The façade I had maintained at the outset was dissolving with a scary ferocity.

But I kept quiet. I mustn’t lose my cool.

“You are making a mountain out of a molehill, Kanan…you need to understand…it’s just work-”

“Oh, is it? The messages speak otherwise, you son of a b*tch!” She was shrieking like a banshee now. “Why don’t I call her and find out?”

“Stop, Kanan. You don’t know what you are doing.”

“Such women should be shamed! For breaking families! For ruining lives! How dare she?! I am calling this bitch right now.”

That touched a nerve. Till the time, both the women remained away from each other, my world was safe. I didn’t want my two worlds to collide because it would surely result in an explosion.

I still don’t remember what happened because my mind was in a whirl. There was this mad sensation in me. A ringing in my ears. She was a monster. And I needed to stop her. I needed to protect Tanisha.

Kanan held my phone in her hands like it was a live hand-grenade.

I watched her face, once so smooth and beautiful, now deadly and capable of murder. Her large eyes that once appeared so fascinating to me now looked bloodshot and eerie. She looked like she could kill.

“Kanan, give me back the phone.” My voice was in that controlled tone that promised danger if not obeyed.

She opened my phone screen. She knew the password. It was her name.

“The hell I will give you!” she shouted, looking positively terrifying. 

My hand moved of its own accord and the flame that had birthed within me threatened to explode. It crashed onto the soft flesh of her cheeks. Once. Twice. The monster was unleashed. Her eyes were fiery. Challenging me. And I was suitably inflamed.

It was easy. Too easy for my hand to be in contact with her body. I could easily demolish her if I wanted. And that is exactly what I wanted. I was a demon. And demolishing was my job.

I told you, I break things. Mostly hearts. And some times, limbs.

*

Tanisha

This was the first time he was late. I waited for about half an hour before proceeding to the office. Perhaps, he went to work early today.

But when he didn’t appear during lunch either, I knew something was up. He should have called in case he would be late.

And then, soon, he did.  

*

Vir

The park was strewn with invisible dead bodies. Bodies that I had produced out of my demoniacal splendor. They were my doing. I could see them everywhere. Dead women in blue sarees.

“Vir?” Her high-pitched childish tone brought me back to my senses. The spectacle of dead women stopped haunting me for a second.

“What are you doing in the park at this hour?!”

I had no answers for her.

“Vir?” Tanisha’s voice was hushed. “What is wrong?”

I looked straight ahead, unable to fathom what to tell her. She was a child, for God’s sake. A child I had purported to love. And I? I was a monster. A monster who had destroyed two lives. My wife’s and now hers.

“She left me.”

Tanisha looked stricken. Her voice reduced to a whisper.

“She…she found out?”  

I nodded.

“What did she say?”

“She just left. Packed her bags and left in the car.”

Tanisha looked at me like I was from a different world. Her face had assumed that thinking mode, the machinery working overtime.

“I need you, Tanisha. I don’t know what to do anymore.” I broke down in front of her, tears streaking my face as she cradled my head in her lap.

“Come, let’s get you home.”

She guided me to the house and made me a drink.

*

Tanisha

His place was a mess, clothes pell-mell about the house, some of the crockery broken. It must have been an ugly confrontation, I thought, as I spotted a green handbag lying near the sofa.

“Tanisha? Where are you?”

“Coming,” I called out as I made my way to the bedroom after having cobbled together a sandwich for him. It was important to eat, mom always told me.   

The bedroom was no better. Strips of blue fabric lay torn on the dressing table, cosmetics lying upended, talcum powder spread over most of the floor, giving the room a sickly sweet smell.

As I put the sandwich in front of him, I got a nagging sensation that I was forgetting something important.

*

Vir

“When did she leave?” she asked me, her shiny face concerned.

“Yesterday night.” I blurted out before I could change my reply.

“Why didn’t you tell me then?”

“I…I didn’t know what to do…I tried to call her back…to stop her…but she was adamant…I…” Suddenly, I knew what to do. “Please, I can’t stay in this house anymore. Can we go out?”

“Okay...let’s get you some fresh air.”

*

Vir

There was a couple sitting in the cafe when I walked in. As the light was low, I didn't know who they were until the woman turned around, and I saw it was my wife. 

For a moment, I was flabbergasted.

She looked beautiful wearing that peacock blue saree; just the way she had looked all those years ago when I had brought her into my house. Serene, pretty, happy. Unlike how she looked yesterday night in the same saree- a raging fiery termagant.

“Vir? You there?”

Tanisha’s voice brought me back to my senses.

“Ye-es.” I stammered. “Sorry.”

My mind was playing games with me. I was seeing Kanan everywhere. I must stop acting like a raving lunatic.

“You okay?” Tanisha asked softly as she led me to a table at the corner of the café.

I nodded, even though I felt like puking.

“I don’t think we should sit here. I need a drink.”

Everything had been so good once. There had been so many pleasant coincidences at the time I had met Kanan for the first time. Her birthdate had matched with my bank’s pin and she had loved the fact. I still have the same pin for my account. The apartments where we used to live before had turned out to be named after her. Kanan Apartments. There could be no doubt that we were made for each other. Or so we thought.

You see, things that are too perfect should be looked at with suspicion. Because they don’t last.

*

Tanisha

RGB.

Red. Green. Blue.

Kanan’s body was found a week after Vir had called me to the park. It was found in the lake. The body was bloated and unrecognizable.

Vir was inconsolable with grief and I couldn’t help but be there for him. And help him perform the last rites for his wife.

But by and by, colors started flashing across my mind’s eye.

Red. Green. Blue.

Something did not add up.

Blue.

Kanan’s body was found in Vir’s car that had drowned in the lake. She had been wearing a blue saree which was only recognizable by its color.

Blue. I remember seeing patches of blue fabric all across the bedroom. And then the state of the house. The upturned sofas, the smashed plates. Sure, they must have had a terrible fight. But something didn’t smell right.

Green.

The green handbag that Tanisha saw lying near the couch. Why would someone pack their bags and take them but not their handbag? More importantly, how can a woman forget her handbag?? It was almost unthinkable…

Unless…

I did not want to think it but that is where all my thought works led. Unless a man had packed and hence, had easily forgotten the handbag…

Red.

But that was not what bothered me. It was the fact that Kanan had taken the car. The red car that Vir said she had smashed into their driveway once after which-

She prefers to take the cab, he had said.

Why would she take the car if she wasn’t a good driver?

Something was definitely not right. Why would Vir call me a day after Kanan left instead of the very night she left?

*

Vir

The verdict was that Kanan had committed suicide. Needless to say, I was relieved with the verdict. Things hadn’t slipped so badly. Kanan had exited my life as peacefully as that could be managed. And Tanisha was here to stay. Life wasn’t so bad, after all.

*

Tanisha

Kanan did not commit suicide. Just as I am not going to. She was killed in cold blood the way I am going to be.

*

Vir

She knows. She knows what I did to Kanan and what I will do to her if she persists in her dogged determination to get to the bottom of things.

I break things. Sometimes, people before they can break me.